i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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