I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
