I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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