woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
