Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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