fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
