The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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