I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
