Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
