Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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