Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
