Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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