So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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