I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
