I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
