I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
