I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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