I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
