you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
