she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
