Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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