Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
