i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
