We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
