she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
