Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
