3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
