Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
