is your mom at the bar?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
