Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
