well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
