3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
