in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
