So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
