But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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