You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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