And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So apparently I’m into choking now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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