just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
