Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I love you. Go after that dick
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
