fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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