I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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