Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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