John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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