Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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