i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
