thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
