What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
