Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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