I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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