Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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