Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
